TWRV: The Trip of SEVERAL LIFETIMES!

Today is your second guest installment for The Well-Read Vacay 2013.  Please join me in welcoming Katie from Words For Worms!  Katie harbors an unusually enormous love for penguins and writes some of the most entertaining book reviews on the interwebs.  Today she's taking us on a fan-flippin'-tastic journey through children's literature.  Buckle your safety belts, kiddos.

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Hola, Bookworms!

I'm Katie, and I have taken over this blog. MUAHAHAHAHA! I normally write over at Words for Worms, but, Kelly, our proprietress here at The Well-Read Redhead, is out this week VACATIONING. When she asked if I would write a guest post for her, I was more than happy to oblige. Now. We all love reading. And we all WISH we were vacationing. I'm going to play travel agent for a bit and offer you THE TRIP OF SEVERAL LIFETIMES!

Follow the Yellow Brick Road, dangit!

We will begin our journey at a farmhouse in Kansas. We'll have dinner with Aunt Em and Uncle Henry before catching the first twister out of town. You know how RV's are always advertised as "taking your home with you when you travel"?! An RV has nothing on us. We're taking the whole dang farmhouse. We may sort of accidentally squash a witch upon landing, but her only family is a disgruntled sister whose case won't hold up in Civil Court (and whose, uh, self? won't hold up to water...) Upon arrival, you'll receive a pair of STUNNING shoes (though not the most practical footwear for a long journey. I hope you packed band-aids.) We will then embark on a walking tour through Oz's countryside and into the EMERALD CITY. Just don't take off your glasses, okay? It will ruin the effect. Oh yeah, we may or may not be detained by flying monkeys. (You'll have to sign a release, it's all there in the fine print...) Once you tire of Oz, you need only click your heels together...

And you'll find yourself back at home. In your bedroom. Bored silly after your Ozian adventure, natch. Luckily, you'll notice a package containing a model tollbooth. (Who plays with a tollbooth? That's a ridiculous question. Nobody when presented with a toy tollbooth refuses to PLAY with it!) It's a good thing you brought plenty of change, because your trip to The Kingdom of Wisdom is going to get a little crazy. From Dictionopolis to Digitopolis, you will encounter miles and miles of idioms and homonyms before you can even hope to rescue the Princesses Rhyme and Reason. Luckily, you've got a Watchdog sidekick. Named Tock. Because he's both dog and clock, obvi! After all that rescuing and toying about with the English language, you're bound to be pretty worn out. You decide to turn your car around and head home.

Unfortunately, after your exciting day, you'll have a hard time sleeping. Your next tour guide should arrive punctually, looking for his shadow. All it takes is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust before you're second star to the right and straight on till morning, my friends. Never-Never Land is pretty sweet. You don't age, for one thing, and you have no responsibilities! On the downside though, you're expected to hang out with a bunch of lost boys, a surly gang of pirates, and a bloodthirsty crocodile. Adventurous, sure, but probably not the sort of locale you'd want to set up shop in. Once you get home, I advise you to take a little nap...

Just not a very long one. Or you'll be late for a very important date! You have your choice of conveyance here, you can either fall down the rabbit hole in the yard or walk through the looking glass. Both roads lead straight to Wonderland. You'll visit with the Mad Hatter, March Hare, the Tweedles, and a whole host of other oddities while growing larger and smaller based on the whims of your tea cakes. It's all fun and games until the queen gets all "off with her head." You'd be well advised to skedaddle when you hear that one. Never to fear. Your trip is not quite over.

Now that you've made it back to your bedroom, take three steps to the left. There? Good. Open your wardrobe. Push past the coats. (Do NOT stop to wonder how you acquired so many coats, it will only lead to buyer's remorse.) You should emerge in Narnia, which will be pleasantly covered in snow. You'll see a lamp post and meet a centaur. You'll make friends with some beavers, too. And you'll somehow gain three siblings. Don't ask questions! Then you'll have to fight a massive battle and defeat the evil "Queen." Just make sure you don't eat the Turkish Delight. Trust me. It doesn't even taste good. 

Once you get back through the wardrobe, you'll realize you've only been gone a few hours. And had the adventures of several lifetimes. All this for the bargain price of ZERO dollars. Courtesy of your local library. Thank you for joining me on Storybook Tours. Please come again.

That's right folks. If you don't have the time or money for an official vacation? Take a few hours for a brain vacation. If the reason you have no time or money is your children? All the better. Take them on the trips with you! Now we're all much less jealous of Kelly's vacation, right? Right? Ah well. Distraction only goes so far. Kelly, you'd better be having a REALLY good time. Have enough fun for ALL of us!

(If Katie made you LOL (which she makes me do on-the-regular), check her out at wordsforworms.com, or on Twitter and Facebook!)